I killed him when i was passing my early 17 years old, but that action make me automatically a murders?
According with the social law it was a rotund yes, but according with myself survivance… that means must complex…
because that action was the result of lots of direct and physical injuries he made to gain that not only to me but all others lovers ; that means the deeply and nasty unconscious project from a guy who claim it is my father (distant to be a real father more that progenitor because i m really convinced i just came at this word as product of “macho” hotness after some lots of “presidente cuba libre” made they effects. He produce that project since the first day i show myself from my mothers cover, me and probably my nearly sister both but just because my born represented “more expense and responsibility to carry–” ; I am the 5th of 4 brothers( sisters and brothers) combined.
After 17 years of violence from him (alway on the weakness subjects) , physiologic terrorism, every year no matter what — the day as the project came: I kill him such a dog, with a “garrote”, two hits direct on his head.
The reason: those append in the last movement he focking lunatic intent to injure my mother with a “cocacola” boutail. his first intent was to put direct on my mama’s head the first hit, fortunately he failed.
Today i had past 18 years and height month closed in the “Cefereso” (Mexican jail nomination; and just for long time more and my tomorrow expectation about freedom have to wait another’s 10 more years leither…
Maybe wasn’t fair those years, and maybe wasn’t fair now.
That kind of dream come to me wake up to me early on the morning very intents… and perceiving i m still here, as young man into my seventies, inside this mother nest plenty of fucking home violence, looking every one of suffering that kind of bad injury just only from one fucking member who has full money power inside the family business and nasty power over my lovely mother, not only physical also mentally because those poisoned process every day for today worts full submission power spread.
;maybe my dream it is just a presage, about my future… where some divine soul try to prevent to me don’t fell into that circumstance, because that means the final result about that? He just into the grave, Me into the jail… both buried.
But not, i m still dreaming in sort of Inside Steps Dreams… must deeply each one… moving back to …. but that is real? I m really weak up or it is just another step of my nasty dream.
One day, when i was seven, my cussant rape me, he has 14 years old and with fully perversity he used physically and mentally acts several times during logn weeks to retake that act over me. But that kind of act as your younger give to you two chances: keep and moving forward because nobody can hear you.. you don’t have not one more to believe you, because my mother (the only salvation) has her own issues supporting the other side of intra family violence enough pression supporting the others kids (ny brothers) protection, obviously one more from mine wasn’t fair to carry.
But i m not dreaming , all those happen at real..maybe… why my sweat Jesus had to past this? I prefer to thing those is just a dreamer over me and keep moving forward.
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